Will the real dummy please stand up?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26
million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
With a little help from our friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"
What was plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
These nitwits are teaching our children?
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly
told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann
reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy (not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy).
Some days, it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps!
investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last
year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system."
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the
cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Too well educated?
In Medford, Oregon, a
27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have
Did I say that?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Ouch, that smarts!!!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to
mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police
spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.
Are we are communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.