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PoP-N-Fresh Dead at 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokes-model Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Chef Boyardee, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for approximately 20 minutes.



Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.


Corporation Leaders Have Little Balls!

After a two year long study, The National Science Foundation announced the following results on Corporate America's recreation preferences.

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is:  BASKETBALL

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is:  BOWLING

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is:  FOOTBALL

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is:  BASEBALL

5. The sport of choice for middle management is:  TENNIS

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is:  GOLF

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.